-You may or may not know this,
but I love rap music, mostly because rappers
can make anything sound sexy, which is why it’s time
for one of my favorite segments, “Ho Up, The Glow Up!” [ Cheers and applause ] I ask my fans to send me a topic
that’s incredibly non-sexy, and the challenge is to turn
that topic into a sexy rap. Are we ready to try this? -Oh, yeah.
-So ready. -Should we give it a try?
Alright, let’s do it. DJ Daniel, what’s our topic? -Alright, your first non-sexy
topic is Q-tips. -Oh.
-Oh! Q — there’s nothing sexier
than Q-tips, first of all. I feel like this is real easy.
-For sure. -How about I start this off,
then you can help me out, yeah? -Alright.
-Yeah, okay. -Alright, DJ Daniel,
drop that beat. -Whoo!
-Whoo! -Should I get my… -♪ Doctor tells you not to do
it, but you can’t hear a sound ♪ ♪ You stick it in that hole ♪ ♪ And you swirl it around ♪ ♪ It might take a minute,
so just try to relax ♪ ♪ But when you’re done you can
play with your balls of wax ♪ -Oh! Oh, shoot. -♪ Q-tips, yeah, Q-tips ♪ ♪ Q-Q-Q-Q-Q-tips ♪ -♪ Nothing like the gentle touch
of a good cotton swab ♪ ♪ You got two fuzzy heads that
make my lady parts throb ♪ ♪ Of all the things medical,
you are the best ♪ ♪ Get in my mouth right now
for my DNA test ♪ ♪ -Q-tips,
Q-Q-Q-Q-Q-tips ♪ ♪ Uh, Q-tips,
Q-Q-Q-Q-Q-tips ♪ -♪ Love to get my fingers
’round your thin, hard rod ♪ ♪ Cardboard or plastic,
they go inside my bod ♪ ♪ When I push you in so far
that you start to bend ♪ ♪ With 500 to a box,
the pleasure never ends ♪ -Yes! [ Cheers and applause ] -Pre-existing conditions. -Strep throat cultures, baby. -Q-tips! [ Cheers and applause ] -Nailed it. Nailed it! Should we do one more?
Should we do one more? Let’s do one more.
Let’s do one more. Since it’s Halloween, let’s make it
a holiday-themed one. What’s our non-sexy
Halloween topic, Daniel? -Alright, your non-sexy
Halloween topic is pumpkins. -Oh, girl.
-Ooh! Pumpkins. I feel like you have a really
good relationship with pumpkins, so I feel like
you should start this one. -Oh.
-Get up there, Nick. Come on! Drop that fire! [ Cheers and applause ] DJ Daniel, drop that beat. -You’re gorgeous. ♪ [Bleep] I’m a man with urges ♪ ♪ I’m a man with needs ♪ ♪ Gonna reach inside you,
pumpkin ♪ ♪ Damn, you’re so
full of seeds ♪ ♪ With your orange insides
and your little brown stump ♪ ♪ Should’ve known you’d be sexy
with a name like Pump ♪ -Whoo! Jenna, get ’em. Get ’em.
-Okay. -♪ Uh, pumpkins,
p-p-p-p-pumpkins ♪ -♪ Gonna lay you on the table ♪ ♪ Now I’m ready to carve ♪ ♪ Gonna push inside of you
with something long and hard ♪ ♪ I’m the best you’ve ever had ♪ ♪ Yeah, I know it’s the truth ♪ ♪ I can tell by how you smile
with your little square tooth ♪ -♪ Pumpkins,
p-p-p-p-pumpkins ♪ -Yeah. -♪ Yeah, pumpkins,
p-p-p-p-pumpkins ♪ -♪ Got my fingers
in your insides ♪ ♪ You’re so drippy and soft ♪ ♪ Roll on over here, babe ♪ ♪ And jack-o’-lantern me off ♪ ♪ You smell so good ♪ ♪ You’re making me cry ♪ ♪ Get inside my hot oven ♪ ♪ Wanna taste your sweet pie ♪ -♪ Pumpkins,
p-p-p-p-pumpkins ♪ ♪ P-Pumpkins,
p-p-p-p-pumpkins ♪ -Ohh! -Can’t wait for you
to ride on my front porch. -Aw, damn, girl, I’m putting
a candle in you tonight. -Pumpkins!
-Pumpkins! [ Cheers and applause ] That was amazing. Give it up for Jenna Dewan
and Nick Offerman.